The Boys are Not Alright


This article in the NYT called "The Boys are Not Alright" resonated with me on a deep, deep level. I read it and said, YES! THIS! I've been saying literally these exact words "we're failing our boys" since at least October to anyone who will listen. Yes, you know me for co-founding an organization that helps build confidence in young women, but the more I learn more about neuroscience, the clearer this thread becomes - there are men behind these guns, behind this destructive behavior and there must be a reason for that...

Did you ever think that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction? The same way women have been boxed in throughout history and told we should look and act a certain way, something had to also be evolving about what men "should" be like - nothing exists in a vacuum. If society has (wrongly) assigned women to be the feeling creatures, that inherently means men can't be and still be male, that means men have to be doing creatures. If men have no place for feelings, those feelings manifest into destructive behavior (how and why pain - especially social pain - and rejection are registered in our brain is the reason for this).

Right now, it seems like issues on both sides are coming to a head. Do you think that these issues can be solved by one gender alone? I don't. I spoke a bit about this at the Moving Forward Conference NYC​ on Thursday. I believe it will only happen when we get over (our egos and) the notion that we know what's going on in other people's worlds and get genuinely curious about the person across the table from us.

If we can find the strength and confidence to have conversations that unlock some of the things that we've had to bottle up, if we can be brave enough to ask and answer questions about our self worth, hopes and fears (things we ask our young women at Legacy Out Loud​) and then really listen to, accept, support and honor the answer... and then share our answer and allow them to listen to what is true for us - there's no limit to what we can learn (and maybe even solve), but regardless, I can promise that at minimum, there will be a shift in whatever relationship was previously present.

This article inspired something, so if you have adopted a Unimatic coffee pot, be sure we have your mailing address, because you will be receiving a tool to help you gather people around a table, around your Unimatic, and facilitate these brave conversations that so desperately need to happen. If you are a Unimatic owner that means you know that sometimes (often), the smallest moments in life turn out to be the ones that make the biggest impact. I've always been obsessed with the power of language. At Caffè Unimatic, Inc.​ talk a lot about legacy, and we want ours to stem from transformational conversations around the table, over a pot of Unimatic coffee. Stay tuned...